Bill Bailey is working on a Eurovision 2022 song

The UK did well in Eurovision the other week, didn’t we? What’s worse – nil points, or a really humiliating three? At least our lad James Newman ended up with a funny story to tell about his flawless loss, and he looked like he was having a good time while Italian rock outfit Måneskin strutted to victory.

Anyway, clearly we need a different strategy. And of course, the man eccentric enough to actually look like a contender to break our duck is Bill Bailey. Having brought metal to Strictly Come Dancing by doing a turn to Metallica’s Enter Sandman and subsequently winning the whole thing, he’s got form when it comes to getting gold in TV talent shows.

Read this: 10 lesser known Metallica songs that everyone needs to hear

Talking at yesterday’s BAFTAs, the owner of Britain’s Finest Skullet said, “Do you know what? I was writing [a Eurovision song] today. This very day. Because I just thought, ‘Why not?’ Come on, we’ve not been doing well lately.

“It couldn’t have gone worse,” he continued of this year’s performance. “We need to inject a bit of fun, I think.”

Just watch him on Strictly. Our only hope? Yes.

Read this: Remembering when Lordi won Eurovision and took monsters to the mainstream