As turns of phrase go, few will ever be as haunting as Courtney’s revelation that her life has been “plagued by depression”. Born and raised in Alabama in the Deep South of the United States, aged 15 she relocated 2,000 miles north to Victoria, Vancouver Island, off Canada’s West Coast, following her parents’ divorce and her mother’s re-marriage. “I left my whole life behind,” says the eldest of six siblings. In a new school in a new town, she struggled to find both a place and friends. “[At the time] I never knew what [depression] was, and I thought that that was just how things should be… I probably cried out for help a lot and but didn't [get it], because everyone around me was going through so much stuff. I was manipulative enough to slip through the cracks, so that I never had to deal with anything.
“I'm very lucky that I am around, you know, because the teenage brain is so much different than the fully developed adult brain.”
It wouldn’t be until just two years ago that Michael gently approached the subject of his partner’s “ebbs and flows of emotions”; those three-day stints “of crippling self-doubt and anxiety where I couldn’t get out of my bed”. ‘We’ve got to do something about this,’ he told her. ‘You deserve to not feel this way.’
“It took him to make me realise that it's not normal, and it’s not that there's something wrong with me, this is just part of who I am,” Courtney says. “I would prefer not to deal with these feelings, but doesn't make me like a flawed person.”
Though predominantly recorded in Joshua Tree, California, at the turn of this year, much of Eternal Blue’s writing took shape during this dark time, and resultantly the scars of that journey are writ large across its 12 tracks. Its title is as much a phrase to encapsulate Courtney’s story as it is this collection of music.
“Heavy music is one of the best ways to help yourself connect with those feelings, so you can get over it move on, even if it's just a couple steps onward,” Courtney says. “Eternal Blue is pure selfishness, because this music for me is what I need to move on from a lot of feelings and aggression and really dark, intrusive thoughts that I constantly have.”