Bad News: “Rik Mayall couldn’t play bass, but that just made it funnier…”
As legendary British spoof-metal heroes Bad News release their first track in three decades, Axogram (as Almost Bad News), comedy legend Nigel Planer tells us about this sort-of return, creating one of British TV’s funniest icons, and getting bottled at Donington.
In 1983, Bad News made their first appearance on British TV. Following the budding NWOBHM quartet as they travelled to a gig in Grantham, singer/guitarist Alan 'Vim Fuego' Metcalfe, guitarist Den Dennis, bassist Colin Grigson and drummer Spyder Webb became sensations overnight.
Sort of. A full year before the release of This Is Spinal Tap, Bad News Tour perfected the art of the rockumentary, as an episode of Channel 4 comedy caravan Comic Strip Presents. Starring British comedy legends Nigel Planer (as dopey but lovable guitarist Den), Adrian Edmondson (egotistical frontman-cum-painter-and-decorator Vim), Rik Mayall (secret-posh-lad bassist Colin) and Peter Richardson (Spyder, the only drummer his bandmates knew who could vomit the perfect amount into a pint glass), as well as Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders, it was somewhere between Iron Maiden and The Young Ones.
The episode fully captured the realities of life on the road for a struggling British metal band – broken vans, bad service station food, arguments over nothing, and quickly became a cult hit for its realism that celebrated the unslick crapness of reality. In 1986, they were invited to play Monsters Of Rock at Donington, alongside Ozzy, Motörhead, Scorpions and Def Leppard. The latter's guitarist Phil Collen would, in their second documentary, 1988's More Bad News, talk to a camera backstage to deadpan: "I'm Phil Collen from Def Leppard, and I think they're shit."
But this was all part of it. Even more than Spinal Tap, Bad news were – and remain – relatable to anyone who's ever attempted the apparently impossible task of moving four musicians somewhere in a van at the same time, or get your guitarist to play the right chord in the studio. Queen guitarist Brian May loved them so much he produced their self-titled 1986 debut album. AFI named their Answer That And Stay Fashionable debut album in tribute.
Now, Den Dennis returns under the banner Almost Bad News, with a new song, Axogram. As Nigel Planer explains, it was an idea seeded by the enduring love for the show and the band. And an old track that didn't make it onto the first album it may be, but it's still heavy metal, heavy metal, heavy metal – have we said it enough?!?!
Where did Axogram come from?
“Well the song was actually written at the time, 1985/6, something like that, but it never made it onto the album. It was a bit more complicated than most Bad News songs. I wrote the song, and it’s the only one that wasn't collectively written. We learned it and played it to the producer, who went, ‘I don't think so,’ because it's quite a difficult one to play. And the producer was Brian May, so we had to do what we were told!
“It's a bit more elaborate than the Bad News style, the way it's been put together by the producer, Luke Smith, with Ben Hill [who also runs Bad News fan page Warriors Of Genghis Khan]. I think they've even used some bootleg stuff on it from previous Bad News. So there's quite a lot of history in it. But because of the singing style, the fact that it's tight and keeps changing, it wasn't quite a Bad News song at the time. And I've always had it in my mind to do it, because it was never recorded before.”
When did you get the idea to pick it up again?
“Well, I bumped into a Ben, who runs a Bad News fan page. We got to know each other, and then I saw that he does quite a lot of music himself. He's very good at copying styles, he's done some very funny ones, like a hippy band, a kind of Donna Summer band. We were at the Slapstick Festival Of Comedy doing a Bad News event, myself and Peter Richardson [AKA Bad News drummer Spyder Webb], and Ben came along to see it. Somebody asked, ‘What do you think was the best Bad News song?’ and Peter said, ‘It's the one we never recorded.’ So I challenged them. I said, ‘Well go on, go and work on that.’ I did a stupid little acoustic guitar thing into my phone, wrote it down with the chords and just sent it to them, and they came back with all of that. Really excellent. They've even made it sound crap in the right places. So it's proper Bad News.”
“In lockdown, I had a bit of space, and I remembered all the songs I've ever written and started to record them. They're on my Bandcamp channel. I got my guitar out, and found I could remember the lyrics and chords. Which was amazing. And I wrote them down this time.”
Where did you do it?
“A mad studio they've got in the middle of nowhere. Literally, like, a concrete hut somewhere in the middle of a field. Proper old-school studio. That was really good fun, to let rip. I did a load of music during lockdown on Bandcamp, all little psychedelic folk songs and stuff. You can't get loud in your bedroom, though, but out in the middle of nowhere you can let rip and do some screaming.”
How was it getting back into the mind of Den Dennis after so long?
“It was good. I really enjoyed it. It sort of comes naturally. I suppose I spent, not long, a day or two, maybe, in the back of my mind thinking Den thoughts before the recording. It doesn’t just turn up out of the blue after 40 years, but it's not a big bit of work. You just have to be like, ‘What would Den think about this? What would Den do here?’”
Bad News have become beloved among musicians and metal fans, like Spinal Tap, because it’s all still really relatable to anyone involved in music – the arguments, the problems, the stupid decisions…
“There's a difference between us and Spinal Tap, though. They're playing an English band, but they're playing that very rare thing, which is some very successful people – Spinal Tap are a big, successful international band. And Americans, I don't think they could handle Bad News – people who are just crap. All the stuff in there, backstabbing each other, and being up against everything that the UK will throw at you, like the van, the motorway, the sausages, or lack of sausages, all that frustration, it's a different humour. And I think English audiences can see themselves in that more. Spinal Tap might be a fantasy about what it would be like if you were a rock star. But Bad News is more like what it's really like down here as a hopeless band. I'm sure Americans can be crap too, but they wouldn't want to make a film about it because they don't like losers, whereas we love them.”
Going back, how did Bad News come about in the first place?
“I was in a double act with Peter. He lived in a van and he had this drum kit, and I play guitar, and we had a rock theatre show, from which Neil and lots of other characters came, before The Young Ones. We were trying to be like Frank Zappa’s 200 Motels – half entertainment theatre, half rock band. We actually did some tours – we supported AC/DC at one gig, and we supported Motörhead! We played lots of characters and we had the experiences of being crap and on tour, so that was Den and Spyder accounted for.
“Adrian [Edmondson, Vim Fuego] had been trying to make it in bands all his life, and can actually play pretty well. I can actually sing – or, I could then – but the way I sing wasn't appropriate. It's better having Adrian's voice, so that’s how he became singer. As for Rik Mayall [Colin Grigson], he wasn’t a musician, he was a comedian. So we told him how to move his finger up and down one string on the bass, but that was just perfect for the character. It made him funnier.
“I can't remember whose idea it was to do it as Bad News. We were making the Comic Strip films, so we put in ideas. And the idea was, ‘Let's do a band’. One thing we found funny was, there was a recording called The Troggs Tape, you know the band who did Wild Thing? It’s them in the studio with the tape running while they argue, and it’s brilliant. It's very Bad News. Like, the drummer can’t play the song – ‘But you already did it once this evening!’ Their complete inability to make the studio work for them is hilarious.”
What I always liked about Den was that he had a certain innocence to him. Vim was the ego-frontman, Colin was a poser who was at odds with Vim, Spyder was cool but crazy…
“…And then poor old Den’s just trying to play the guitar! But musically, that's kind of how it worked live. We needed Rik being funny. Peter's drum fills are not very heavy metal, he's all over the place. And so, rhythm guitar is basically trying to keep the whole machine going. There's no fancy guitar work from me, because Peter and Rik, who should have been the rhythm section, they were just all over the place. But that's so good for the character as well. It's down to Den to actually keep the structure. He's like a workhorse.”
You played at Donington in 1986 with Ozzy, Motörhead, Def Leppard and Scorpions. The bit where you’re walking up the ramp to the stage, you all look petrified, like, ‘Oh shit, we’re actually doing this…’
“Yeah, that bit where the camera follows us, then goes to the crowd. That still puts my bollocks up into my stomach. It was very, very scary, actually. You can see on our faces just realising, ‘This is suicide’. And they were throwing things. The guy who introduced us, Tommy Vance, he went onstage wearing an American football helmet. Lemmy was telling us, ‘You're insane, letting them throw things at you. You have to stop them cos you could get a coin in your head!’ It was seriously frightening, and then the equipment didn't work for the first 20 minutes. Some comedian thought they would add to the fun. But I'm glad we did it. It was good fun. What a treat.”
The montage with the other bands is amazing as well, where they’re all saying how terrible you were…
“Yeah that was fun. The guitarist from Scorpions [Rudi Schenker] just there with his German accent: ‘Bad News? Scheisse!’ And Lemmy’s long bit about it, where he’s being really articulate and cutting us down, is just amazing.”
Brian May produced the first Bad News album. What was that like?
“He was brilliant. He and I spent time together years later working on the original production of We Will Rock You. The reason we've got the second album was out of the contractual obligation, but the reason we had the material was because he just left the mics on throughout the recording period, and we stayed in character. So all of the stuff on the album between the songs when we're arguing with each other, that's just us fucking about. And the second album is entirely us fucking about. It must have cost a fortune, but Brian was so generous with his time and with the whole thing, because he just loved the whole concept of it. We're really grateful for that because, what an insane thing for him to do! It was six weeks in one of the most expensive studios in London where there was, like, Tears For Fears next door, Pet Shop Boys in another room…”
How do you feel about the legacy of Bad News, that all these years later people still really like it and they’re held quite dear by people?
“I'm delighted that people are enjoying it again. I suppose there's people like Ben, who've kept the flag flying and keep it going. But I couldn't think of a reason why [people like it so much]. I see it sort of like Dad's Army. I just love the characters, the jokes, that whole setup. And you just want to return to that world because it makes you laugh and you somehow warm to the hopelessness of those people. Bad News is a funny analogy to make, being a heavy metal band and all that, but it's kind of like Dad's Army, you just like being in that world with those people because they resonate with you. And it's very English, I think, as well.”
Almost Bad News' new single Axogram is out now.
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